Uggh. I feel like crying. I'm having a bad day. I mean a really BAD day. I've got myself tangled up in some bad business. I knew what was happening, but I allowed myself to get sucked in anyhow. I know better. Uggh. I don't really want to get into all the background drama, I fricken hate drama. But there is a person in my life I decided I couldn't have IN my life anymore, they were way to destructive, way to damaging to my psyche. I finally, yeah finally... decided I was worth more as a person then I was as a doormat, so I said no more.
Somehow, some way... most likely because they are smart and devious, they tricked me into falling for their line of bullshit again. ughhh.
I've stayed on plan for my food today, which I know is good. But I'm honestly feeling really SAD, I know I'm responsible for my own feelings. I know no one can take that away from me or make me feel anything I do not allow. But this really SUCKS! There are days I wish I didn't care about anything. Days where I wish I could just focus on the things I WANT. The things I've set aside for so long because someone expected me to, because they wanted me to.
I've been reading all these blogs, and I've felt so inspired, so motivated. I have felt courageous and strong. I've felt like I had a really good plan and I was going to stick to it. I almost want to say "wait a dog mad minute here folks, stop the train!" What sucks, what really really sucks, is I know exactly what happened. I let him suck me in again. He's happy to make me miserable and I'm just miserable. Uggh.