All that and more

I have been thinking all day about these blogs. I've bounced around randomly from blog to blog. I've read and read. I rushed home just so I could sign on and browse through blogs. I have to admit that I've looked at my photo's .. oh goddddd have I stared at them! I keep wondering who that Jaded Girl is. I feel like swearing. Just the one word, over and over, low and deep. A mantra of sort. What the hell is wrong with me? How have I come this far and not have seen what I was doing. I'll tell you...I've been avoiding! Fricken avoiding! I don't have many mirrors in my house, the ones I do have stop at chest level. Ugghhh! I fricken want to scream! I am so tempted to go to Lowes and buy a dozen full length mirrors and hang them around the house. I'll ask the neighbor to borrow his drill and just zip zip zip all over the place... one in at every traffic path. I won't be able to have people over for awhile, but crap, I don't want anyone coming over anyhow!

I need to take accountability for who I've become...I need to face who I have been living with. Denial is ridiculous. If only it was so easy to overcome. I'm so far from doing that. ughh!

When I first started this blog, I contemplated how I could get support...how I could find honest caring people. I had NO fricken idea there were so many blogs dedicated to weight loss...oh my goddddddd.....I can read all day long! It amazes me. I feel like I have found a whole new world. I am so amazed and blessed by all the supportive friends I've found! I even have followers! I am amazed and in awe! Their blogs are fascinating, their journeys soo inspiring. One post I read earlier tonight still has me thinking, it is going to take awhile but I will eventually organize my thoughts and write about my reasons for weightloss, why I have the goal that I do.

Right now I am feeling happy and blessed. I feel in charge of me. Ohhhh.... and I read something today... Crap though I can't remember which blogger said it.. dang! I need to figure out how to put links in posts to other posts. (did that make any sense at all??)

"I am the only one holding myself back!" My new mantra! I haven't had anyone put food in my mouth since I was about 3. I get to decide what I eat, no one else. I also get to take responsibility!

Life is Good!


  1. "I am the only one holding myself back" was Carlos at "You're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat". I love his blog too.

    In case you lost it, here's his link...

  2. The first 10 pounds are always the hardest...after that, well, its still hard but youre eager to see new results so it becomes a competition you vs you vs the scale.

    Youll get there, :)