I've been in such a mood. So typical... Jade only comes here when the mood is dark and upon her. Ugggh. someone kick my ass puh-leaaase. My moods have been bad lately. I'm just pissed and disgusted. really.

I've been walking with this awesome girl every morning ... she almost has to drag my ass out of bed to get me to go. I used to get up every morning at 4 and I haven't in months. I'm fricken lazy as hell lately. I'm depressed. Nothing really related to weight, I wish I could say it was. I'm just a mess. I appreciate our mornings together, our long talks. I love how the muscles in my ass burn when I make my strides long. I love coming back sweaty. I feel like I am finally moving.

I've spent a few days on the Wii Fit. I wish I could say everyday but I'm not going to lie about it. I managed to snag a personal trainer today... boy am I Blessed!! He emailed me a chart. I told him I wanted to lose 80 lbs by Christmas. He said I could do it!! He motivates me. I told him to feel free to kick my ass when I slacked. I NEED accountability.

I had a really good (difficult for me) talk with a girlfriend this afternoon. She pushes me, wakes me up. I'm so blessed by her. I feel like she can say anything to me and it really reaches me. She sees me and when I'm finding so much fault in myself she points out how full of shit I am. I am so hard on myself, I know this. I have such a difficult time believing I DESERVE good things for myself. The very base of that being the ability to stand up to the people that walk all over me in my life. ::::sigh:::::

New Goals :

  • Get here at least once a week and talk about how I am doing and what I am doing.
  • Take daily vitamins.
  • Drink WATER
  • Do some form of exercise every single day (walk, wii fit, charlie (elliptical), Lola (ab lounger), mow the lawn (3 hours of pushing, lifting, walking, sweating).
  • Take better care of myself...luxurious care like lotions, nail polish, curly locks.

I have a real hard time grasping change. I see it, but I don't understand it. It confuses me really. I am working so hard on making the changes I need to make. I know that I need to get here more often and vent my feelings....I know I have so much support from all of you. I'm a slacker! Don't let me get away with it... please!!!

1 comment:

  1. I am so glad your back. I missed you post. I can relate and let me know how i can help. I still have 65 lbs by November to lose. I can exercise, but the food has been awful. SO let;s try to hold each other accountable.